Wednesday, July 21, 2010

The child I never had

About this time three years ago I was told after three Dr, positive pregnancy test that I was no longer pregnant. Although it was only considered a chemical pregnancy it hit me like a bag of bricks and to this day I am not over it. When it pops up in my mind I am still very much hurt. For two weeks that pregnancy was celebrated. My family is just now really finding out about this. I couldn’t talk about before. It hurt, who am I kidding? It still hurts. I find it slipping into to conversations. Like the ones where you share how you told your husband. I remember the day like it was yesterday. It was hot and I was outside since I was over at Mark’s parents house, I didn’t want anyone to hear our little secret. There was joy in Mark’s voice. Over the next two weeks there was much excitement, I smiled at every chance just knowing that after a year and half my child was finally coming home and would be there in just 8months. I register for the week by week websites and read all I could about the baby in my womb. For two weeks there was joy.

It’s funny, as much as I remember that first day I found out the day that haunts me is the day I found I wasn’t. I remember the cheerfulness in my doctors voice and he soccer punched me in the gut with one little sentence. “Congratulations! You are not pregnant” my without finding my voice just breathing faster and harder on the other end. The doctor still with a cheerful voice, “it was probably a chemical pregnancy or a miscarriage; call me when you are pregnant” It’s funny to me how when I picked up the phone with so much joy I hung it up with so much sorrow and sadness. I called my hubby and I couldn’t get the words out. Somehow he understood. We went out to lunch together and held hands, looked at each other without our joy we had had for two weeks. I went home and cried. Then I picked myself up.

Once a year though I remember our joy and our heart ache. I wonder as the years have passed on why can’t I think about this lost without tearing up? Why do I allow it to haunt me? I wish I had the answer. I feel as though I missing a child. That when we sit down to eat; a chair that should be filled isn’t. I feel as though I must keep fighting for that joy, I felt for those two weeks. Then I realize how messed up I am. Why am I grieving this? Many have gone through a lot worse and seem to have it all together? I can’t hide that facts that in my private moments I wonder, I cry , I have love, I have pain for the child I never had.

Quote of the day:

“As I contemplate all that you face in the world today, one word comes to my mind. It describes an attribute needed by all of us but one which you—at this time of your life and in this world–will need particularly. That attribute is courage."

Thomas S. Monson, May You Have Courage, Ensign, May 2009, 124

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Without realizing it... a boring update.

Well I am back from another road trip. I am now done with my summer travel. I am kinda relived. It was so much fun to see everyone but I kinda neglected my body. No work outs I even forgot my Maca Root for 2 week and a day. The only upside to this? Without realizing it I put on a size 12 it has been years since I could fit into a size 12 and I am now half way to my goal of being in a size 6 by my birthday. So that is exciting. Nothing really exciting, I ran out of ovulation test I ended up having 8 positive test, which really made my year in reality. Thanks to my fertility AF is suppose to show up in 5 days so if she comes I will only be kinda sad since I still had something new happen. Sorry this isn’t really exciting post I wish I was clever and had something funny to say but I can’t find anything funny right now about my boring blissful life.

Love you all !


Quote of the day:

“Life often feels like a great pile of obligations, frustrations, and disappointments. But the Lord is there, always the same, His arms still outstretched. When we feel overwhelmed, we have to remember the peace He has spoken to us on previous occasions. His peace brings comfort and strength; the world cannot give that to us."

Kathleen H. Hughes, "Remembering the Lord's Love, Ensign," Nov. 2006, 111-12

Friday, July 2, 2010

Me? Normal....

I had a great day yesterday. I went to the doctor for my ultrasound, if you remember I had one three months ago and they only found one cyst.{That day alone was exciting} Well yesterday after the ultra sound the tech told me that my cyst was gone and that I was cyst free! For the first time in 5 years I was told everything looked good and healthy. I must admit I cried right there. I couldn't help it. I have never had an ultra sound where everything looked healthy. Then I celebrated and bought some of my favorite foods and magazine. {Don't worry there was no sugar in any of it.}
Speaking of sugar, I think that because I gave it up 4months ago after {a ruptured cyst}this is what returned my body to a healthy state. I feel so good after giving it up that I really can't envision myself going back!
Last week when I was poking around google I found this really good article about giving up Sugar on Trying to conceive. 
So that is my update I am going to keep plugging along!
Quote of the Day;
"It requires courage to make good choices, even when others around us choose differently. As we make righteous choices day by day in little things, the Lord will strengthen us and help us choose the right during more difficult times. "...

W. Craig Zwick, "We Will Not Yield, We Cannot Yield," Ensign, May 2008, 98

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Nothing like coming home from Paradise and finding this....

So it has been two weeks since I last posted. This summer has been super busy for me! I just got back from a 9 day annual stay in Mexico with my family, and before that I was just getting ready to go. So you can understand why I have not been there. Also due to the length of my break I have a ton of updates!

So while in my paradise of choice I was able to think long and hard about what I want to be when I grow up. I am tired of not having my college degree. I really want something that I can fall back onto if need be. So I thought and thought and I cme to the conclusion that I would love to be a nutrisionalst. I have come to discover that since being diginosed with PCOS and Endo, I have read what seems like every diet medical book I could get my hands on; trying to figure out what would benfit me and get me the goals I desire. So I am going to help myself with that goal and others by getting my degree and certificate in Diet and Nutrition. I am so excited to share my knowledge  that I will be learning.

I wish I meant pregnancy test wise, but no- I mean ovulation test. Its true I saw two lines! ME! I know it sounds weird to get excited over this, but the last time I saw two lines was when I was given   drugs to help with it. It is so relieving to see that I am ovulating on my own naturally! It makes me feel as though all my hard work is paying off. It was so hard this last week to abstain from sugar. My family and I would start to play games and the Chips Ahoy would break out. It seemed as though I was constantly tempted. I made it through and now I am so glad I did! I am still in shock one faint little line has made my day!

Now this surprised me so much! Imagine going on a cruise and when it was done losing weight. It feels near impossible since you are always surrounded by food. Since I didn't partake in sugar, I swam every day, had more energy to play with all the kids that were there and now I feel great! In two weeks I will show my updated picture.

So that is really it. I am super excited about all the changes that are going on and I can't wait to apply everything! Tomorrow I have an ultra sound last time when I went I only had one cyst and I am hoping for the same results tomorrow as well.
Quote of the day:

"I have reflected repeatedly upon the phrase 'the tender mercies of the Lord.' Through personal study, observation, pondering, and prayer, I believe I have come to better understand that the Lord's tender mercies are the very personal and individualized blessings, strength, protection, assurances, guidance, loving-kindnesses, consolation, support, and spiritual gifts which we receive from and because of and through the Lord Jesus Christ. Truly, the Lord suits 'his mercies according to the conditions of the children of men' (D&C 46:15)."


Monday, June 14, 2010


Well, this month I have been kinda nervous to post my pics because I can't tell big difference. But thanks to my hubby who showed me the difference I think I will be brave. Can you see my collar bones? That is is super exciting and I have more of a waist aka I got my ribs back. Sweet! Well let me know what you think here they are!

Quote of the day:
"Life often feels like a great pile of obligations, frustrations, and disappointments. But the Lord is there, always the same, His arms still outstretched. When we feel overwhelmed, we have to remember the peace He has spoken to us on previous occasions. His peace brings comfort and strength; the world cannot give that to us."

Kathleen H. Hughes, "Remembering the Lord's Love, Ensign," Nov. 2006, 111-12


Wednesday, June 9, 2010


I have been thinking a lot about this word. More of this more of that more, more, more. In my world when ever I heard the word more it meant more test, more shots, more pills more(fill in the blank). Now that I am on my own it means more research, more exercise, more veggies and fruit. Isn’t it funny how one little word can bring so much “more” thought?

This week I have been kinda bad. I have been taking my Maca root and decided to try it with oatmeal. So I went to the store to find something that I thought it would taste great in. I bought reduce sugar apple and cinnamon oat meal. I cooked it up put it in then enjoyed the flavor of sugar something I haven’t had for over 3 months. When I was done I was thinking hmm that tasted so good! Then my tummy started to ache so bad that I thought that I had a food poisoning. In a way I did. Since my body isn’t used to the sweet taste of sugar it reacted as though I poisoned it. So I guess I will be having no more sugar ever. Its just to painful. Today I will go to the store and by some bananas for my hard oat, oat meal. This also put me off my game I didn’t work out for the last two days. I think I learned a valuable lesson; a little sugar hurts. Oh well.

What things have you been surprised about?

Quote of the day:

"In our society today I see so many people who blame others for their failures. I have observed that those who accept personal responsibility for their actions are more successful than those who blame their shortcomings and lack of accomplishments on someone else."

James E. Faust, "Your Light—a Standard to All Nations," Ensign, May 2006, 112-13



Monday, June 7, 2010

BigFatNegative....AKA BFN

So from the title you may have guess I tested; and by now I am sure you know what the answers is. I am not surprised. I think at this current moment of time in my life it would have been more of a shocker if it was a BFP. I also haven’t given up hope for after all I am only 20 days in. Last month must have been a fluke. So I will test again in two weeks . I will leave it at that. I am just mad that I spent 10.00 on two test at a regular store instead of going to the dollar store and buying 10 test. I really can’t believe I blew my money on whim. Ick where is my patience!

Oh well better luck next time.

Quote of the day:

“We should learn to be patient with ourselves. Recognizing our strengths and our weaknesses, we should strive to use good judgment in all of our choices and decisions, make good use of every opportunity, and do our best in every task we undertake. We should not be unduly discouraged nor in despair at any time when we are doing the best we can. Rather, we should be satisfied with our progress even though it may come slowly at times.”

Joseph B. Wirthlin, “Patience, a Key to Happiness,” Ensign, May 1987, 30



Friday, June 4, 2010

Collar bones oh my!

This morning when I looked in the mirror I saw my collar bone!!!! For the last five years it has been in hibernation under many blankets of fat. I was so excited I squealed!!! Little milestones like these really make my day! It also made me look at my body in a positive light. I am so blessed for all the things it does when I treat it right!

I also wanted to let in on my secret. I haven’t been doing my exercise videos. With summer her in AZ the weather can become unreal. You can sometimes feel like you are walking on the sun. {No Joke}. Coming from Idaho this is a huge blow to me every year. I loved the summer it meant we could go to the river wear shorts, sit in the grass and relax. Here you have to wear shorts to survive, there is really no grass to sit on and even the river can feel like lava! So far the last 4 years I have been hibernating when summer comes. NOT THIS YEAR! This year I am going to embrace it. I found an awesome website that will take your swimming experience and ability and device a plan for you to swim the weight off. Did I mention that it is free? I have loved my workouts so much more with this program!

Here is my first weeks swim program.

Personalized swimming program for Tiffany

Duration 30-45 mins Distance 1200m Pool length 25m

Warm up

4 x 50m Freestyle Swim (even pace), rest 0:15 / 50m [Easy] Freestyle swim at a steady pace.

Build up (repeat 4 times)

1 x 25m Freestyle Catch Up, rest 0:10 / 25m [Aerobic] Freestyle drill where one arm catches up to the other between stokes. Both arms start stretched out. One arm completes full stoke (both arms return to a stretched out position) then the other arm completes a full stroke. Pull with one arm at a time and touch your hands between each alternating arm stroke. •

1 x 25m Streamline Kicking, rest 0:10 / 25m [Aerobic] Freestyle kick with arms held out front in a streamlined position. Fingers overlap with one thumb lightly gripping the opposite hand. Lift your chin above the water to breath without turning your head.

Core (repeat 3 times)

4 x 25m Freestyle, rest 0:15 / 25m (1st & 2nd), rest 0:10 / 25m (3rd & 4th) [Aerobic] Freestyle swim, resting 15 seconds for the first two 25m and 10 seconds for the second two 25m.

• 4 x 25m Breaststroke, rest 0:15 / 25m (1st & 2nd), rest 0:10 / 25m (3rd & 4th) [Aerobic] Breaststroke swim, resting 15 seconds for the first two 25m and 10 seconds for the second two 25m.

Warm down

• 4 x 25m Backstroke Easy, rest 0:10 / 25m [Easy] Backstroke swim at a slow, relaxed pace. Concentrate on long slow strokes.

• 4 x 25m Freestyle Push & Glide, rest 0:10 / 25m [Easy] Freestyle swim, pausing at the end of every stroke with arms out-stretched, one held out front, the other held loosely against the body.

There it is in all its glory!

Another great part about this site is that if you get tired of doing this plan or want to switch it up it gives you a list of different programs to chose from so you can always switch! Go check them out for a great work out.

Quote of the Day

"In my quiet moments, I think of the future with all of its wonderful possibilities and with all of its terrible temptations. I wonder what will happen to you in the next 10 years. Where will you be? What will you be doing? That will depend on the choices you make, some of which may seem unimportant at the time but which will have tremendous consequences.

"Someone has said, 'It may make a difference to all eternity whether we do right or wrong today' (James Freeman Clarke, in Elbert Hubbard's Scrap Book [1923], 95).

"You have the potential to become anything to which you set your mind. You have a mind and a body and a spirit. With these three working together, you can walk the high road that leads to achievement and happiness. But this will require effort and sacrifice and faith."

Gordon B. Hinckley, "Stay on the High Road," Ensign, May 2004, 112-13



Just in case you were wondering.

* This is my opinion and I have no affiliation with this website other then using it for my own personal use.

Thursday, June 3, 2010


So I am now at a crossroads. That every infertile women faces when aunt flow is suppose to arrive. Should I or Shouldn’t I test? On one hand I am stung by curiosity {could this be the time? } On the other hand I have been down this road before. I have strong arguments for both and here is why.


Last month was a weird month for me. Tomorrow I will hit 20 days in my cycle. 20 right now is a significant number for me. In case you didn’t know last month I had my first ever 20 day cycle. When you are used to a 35-70 day cycle the one little number of 20 becomes a milestone of importance. Also this 20 day cycle was only six days of spotting. Which could mean implantation. Now I did take two pregnancy test while spotting and they both came out as one might guess BFN. Now though I can’t help thinking… maybe it was to early? Should I let my self go down this path again?


We are talking about a women with PCOS here. In my world no two cycles are the same. I have been down this road before filled with hope and a lot of anxiety. It painful to feel like you might be close, and yet know in the back of your head that you are probably not. You take each little symptom that you think you may have and you use it until it is brittle to justify your belief that you are indeed pregnant. {For me right now it is the smell of hot dogs} Dear I forget all these little tid bit that I have been allowing to be suppressed in the back of my head? Or do I go down the path that leads to darkness if wrong?

I know I will probably take the first choice and test. It is way to tempting. It reminds me of chasing rainbows when you where a kid. Right when you think you are close you look up and it even farther away. The temptation however is still there closer then ever. What would you do? When would you test? I think I will let my body do what it is going to do and if nothing by Sunday then Monday I will test. What do you think?

Quote of the day:

“Our challenges, including those we create by our own decisions, are part of our test in mortality. Let me assure you that your situation is not beyond the reach of our Savior. Through Him, every struggle can be for our experience and our good (see D&C 122:7). Each temptation we overcome is to strengthen us, not destroy us. The Lord will never allow us to suffer beyond what we can endure (see 1 Corinthians 10:13).”

Robert D. Hales, “Becoming Provident Providers Temporally and Spiritually,” Ensign, May 2009, 7



Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Refreshed and ready to move on.....

Will I don’t know if you have noticed but I was ready for a break! A time to get some perspective, get on a structured plan, and well get into a better mood. {I was getting so tired of the negative Nelley that was stuck in my head} My hubby must have noticed too and so we deiced to go to the happiest place on earth Disney Land. We had a wonderful time and since we stay at a place with no tv or internet I was able to sit down and think. I thought about a lot things. My disappointments, and my blessings. The choices I have made to come to where I am. I was able to think about all my joy.

Then I came up with a plan. I like structure, I am one of those types who loves to research and learn. I love to make list, wither it be an inventory of my pantry, what I need to get done, or even something as silly as which movies we have. I love them! I also like timelines such as what I am going to be doing from this time to that time and so on. So with my diet which has really only consisted of no sugar, is going to get an upgrade. I have been looking into the Flat Belly diet since I heard about it on Oprah. So on Monday morning I went to my favorite online bookstore Amazon and looked it up to see how much the book would cost. The cheapest I could find was 5.50 plus 3.00 tax and well I didn’t want to spend that much. So I thought I would give it till July to come down in price to like 3.00 and then get it. Later that day we went to Savors; because it was half off day of course. So I went to browse the books like usual and guess what?! They had the book I was wanting to buy for only $2.99! So next Wednesday I will start the flat belly diet; which is perfect since the following Monday I post my 4 month picture. So I will be posting about my new diet all next week.

As part as the baby making update. Nothing really new except I had my first 20day cycle!!!! Holy cow I must say it scared me. I have never had a cycle that short, I must have driven my DR crazy! I must have called at least three times. Here is why when you have cycles that are 35-70 days apart you freak out. Especially since I only spotted. I tried to get her to give me a blood test but since my hpt was a BFN twice she was sure it was just a normal period. We will see though since next week will be day 20 I am kind of wondering what will happen.

So this is what has been happing with me, how has your week been going? Also I am looking for a diet buddy to help keep at it, if you are interested leave me a comment.

Quote of the day:

How might we have joy in our lives, despite all that we may face? Again from the scriptures: ‘Wherefore, be of good cheer, and do not fear, for I the Lord am with you, and will stand by you.’ ”

Thomas S. Monson, “Be of Good Cheer,” Ensign, May 2009, 89



Thursday, May 20, 2010


So I feel completely drained. Sorry I haven’t written but my darn eyes had a date with some allergens and so I couldn’t see. I am kinda sadden that nobody had anything to say about my last post, I finally broke down and called my doctor. She said it was one or two things I either am pregnant.. {haha} or I am on my period. If I am pregnant it would be a shock knowing my history, therefore I can only conclude that I am not pregnant and that alone is depressing. So I am on the weirdest cycle ever. 20day cycle and honestly nothing that I would ever noticed with out my trained infertile eye. Still spotting. I am feeling incredibly moody and want to cry a lot for some reason. I realized yesterday that every single person that I began to follow when I started this blog have all gotten pregnant. I am the last one, who hasn’t achieved the end goal. Hmmm. I can’t process that right now though, I have to get out of this funk I am in. Any suggestions?

Quote of the day:

"We are becoming a great global society. But our interest and concern must always be with the individual. Every member of this church is an individual man or woman, boy or girl. Our great responsibility is to see that each is 'remembered and nourished by the good word of God' (Moro. 6:4), that each has opportunity for growth and expression and training in the work and ways of the Lord, that none lacks the necessities of life, that the needs of the poor are met, that each member shall have encouragement, training, and opportunity to move forward on the road of immortality and eternal life. This, I submit, is the inspired genius of this the Lord's work. The organization can grow and multiply in numbers, as it surely will. This gospel must be carried to every nation, kindred, tongue, and people. There can never be in the foreseeable future a standing still or a failure to reach out, to move forward, to build, to enlarge Zion across the world. But with all of this there must continue to be an intimate pastoral relationship of every member with a wise and caring bishop or branch president. These are the shepherds of the flock whose responsibility it is to look after the people in relatively small numbers so that none is forgotten, overlooked, or neglected."

Gordon B. Hinckley, "This Work Is Concerned with People," Ensign, May 1995, 52–53


Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Something strange happening here… I might need some help,

So I have to warn you this might be a little TMI….

So if you read my latest cycle post you would know my last cycle lasted 35 days. This cycle is completely different. Will to be honest with you I have no clue what is going on. It has been 22days since my last visit from AF and she decied to spot a little on Sunday night, then yesterday {then it went away} and now today. On Sunday it was pink, Monday it was red and today it brown. I have no idea what is going on with my body. I have never had a cycle like this ever. I have no real cramps, just some pinches every now and then but nothing that makes me cry for my mommy. Has anyone else ever experience this? I mean in general since Saturday I have just felt blah. Now I have all these questions running through my head like: Am I going crazy? Has anyone else has ever experienced this? Am I alone? What the heck is going on? Can anyone give me a clue here….eh.

So how has your day gone? I hope more clear then mine.

Quote of the day:

“Faith is not a theological platitude. It is a fact of life. Faith can become the very wellspring of purposeful living. There is no more compelling motivation to worthwhile endeavor than the knowledge that we are children of God, the Creator of the universe, our all-wise Heavenly Father! God expects us to do something with our lives, and he will give us help when help is sought.”

Gordon B. Hinckley, "With All Thy Getting Get Understanding," Ensign, Aug. 1988, 2

Monday, May 17, 2010


There really is no reason why I have been MIA the last couple of days except that I just didn’t have time. I have been taking the Maca powder for 5 days now I sure feel the energy surging through my veins. I don’t know if it a good thing yet but I have been able to get more done.

So I was thinking…. I wish people would stop saying you can save it for your next baby. Do they not know that it is hurtful? I literally could not take it last night. I finally was like “ I don’t know when I am going to have another baby but it won’t be for a while. Please stop saying that.” ! I haven’t snapped like that since I don’t know when. Then to make it worse the rest of the night all I heard was are you mad at me. Now I wasn’t mad….I was really annoyed but not mad. The sad thing is I felt bad for being annoyed but come on people! Or it is like when I called my friend the other day and was like Guess what! And the answer “Your pregnant” What?!? First if I was going to tell someone I am close to that I was pregnant then do you think I would call them or take the 2 min ride to go tell them in person. Other then that don’t they know my history…haven’t I kept them informed enough? It bad enough when strangers from your ward ask inappropriate questions about you bearing children, but the people who know your struggle? Am I out of line here? How would you respond? I am really not mad I’m really not, but I am super annoyed. I don’t know.

Quote of the day:

“The future is as bright as your faith."

Thomas S. Monson, "Be of Good Cheer," Ensign, May 2009, 92


Wednesday, May 12, 2010

False Alarm.+ Maca Root Powder

So I feel better, I hate waking up to bad feelings so I am so happy that it is over.
Well today after my sick episode I went to Sprouts. When I pulled up to the in the parking lot I noticed a discount vitamins store. So I decide to take a peak inside. I knew I wanted Maca powder, so when I found it I was presently surprise to find some for only 16.00 I have been looking online and the cheapest I could find for the same brand was 22.00. At Sprouts it was 24.00 for a way smaller bottle. Anyway here is an article on the benefit's of Maca root and fertility.
This article is from Natural Fertility
“Peruvians claim that Maca improves memory, combats anemia, and fights depression. Some researchers note that when the body is well-nourished, libido rises and depression abates; Maca’s nutrient value could explain some of these purported actions. The root, which tastes like butterscotch when it’s roasted like a potato, can also be prepared into jam, broth, puddings, and juices, and contains five times more protein than a potato, four times more fiber, and less fat. It contains linoleic and oleic oils (two types of essential fatty acids) and essential amino acids.”

By: Jacky

The South American country of Peru is home to numerous beneficial plants, including Maca, a legendary sex-enhancing root passed down from the Inca. I’d heard about Maca for years. It has been dubbed “Peruvian ginseng,” even though it bears no relation to ginseng. But like ginseng, the plant is employed to increase strength, energy, stamina, libido and sexual function, a winning combination of health benefits if there ever was one.

To investigate Maca’s health benefits and understand the role that Maca plays in Peruvian culture, my wife and I headed down to Peru to explore the Maca trail. In the process we met with Maca traders, growers and scientists, and came back tremendously impressed by this plant, which is now available as a supplement in U.S. health food stores.

What is Maca? Maca, Lepidium meyenii, is an annual plant which produces a radish-like root. The root of maca is typically dried and stored, and will easily keep for seven years. The plant is cultivated in the Junin plateau of Peru’s Central Highlands, and was highly revered by the Inca.

During the height of the Incan empire, legend has it that Incan warriors would consume Maca before entering into battle. This would make them fiercely strong. But after conquering a city the Incan soldiers were prohibited from using Maca, to protect the conquered women from their powerful sexual impulses. Thus as far back as 500 years ago, Maca’s reputation for enhancing strength, libido and fertility was already well established in Peru.

“MACA has been known to increase a women’s ability to conceive rather dramatically. This happens because of MACA’s ability to promote the production of the Luteneinizing Hormone (LH). The LH causes ovulation. MACA has also been shown to increase sperm counts in men. Research studies on animals were conducted by Dr. Gloria Chacon de Popovici and Dr. Freddy Madrid Gironda with extremely successful results in almost all cases! (These studies will be published sometime later on this year.)” –

Today, Maca’s popularity is very much on the increase, as people discover that the plant really does boost libido, sexual function and overall energy. Acreage in Peru dedicated to Maca cultivation is increasing every year to meet demand, and a number of scientists have turned their attention to the properties of the root. In Peru, Maca is used by men and by women who want to put more fire into their sex lives. And in the U.S., Europe and Japan, dietary supplements containing Maca are gaining ardent devotees.

Maca Nutrition: What natural ingredients in Maca promote its reputed sex-enhancing effects? In-depth analysis of maca conducted in 1998 by Dr. Qun Yi Zheng and his colleagues at PureWorld Botanicals shows that maca contains about 10 percent protein, almost 60 percent carbohydrate, and an assortment of fatty acids. These ingredients are common and nothing special. But the investigators also discovered two groups of novel compounds, the macamidesmacaenes. These agents are believed to be directly responsible for Maca’s sex-boosting powers.

“Pregnancy demands extra nutrients for a healthy baby. Unfortunately, many of today’s women are overworked, stressed and/or have a long history of taking the Birth Control Pill find that their fertility is compromised. Eating Maca Powder can be an affordable, excellent nutritional addition to every womans diet. Peruvian women start to take maca at the age of three, then gradually include it as a staple part of their diet. They are fertile well into later life.”

Article Source:

More later,

No No NO NO!

I might feel a it sick....I cannot get sick! I work up felling like I was on a boat this morning, my stomach must not know I am on land!!! I can feel each limb on my body get tired and refuse to do their normal duties. I cannot get sick. I have so much to do today, like get food. I also wanted to go to the herb shop and check out how much Maca is….argh. I know I am going to eat some breakfast, take a shower and ignore my body for now. I am going to pretend that it is the food I ate last night. (Beef stroganoff at my parents yum…should not have had the pasta.} Also woke up with some cramps, in mid cycle has anyone ever had this? They don’t feel like cyst cramps just tiny little cramps that maybe feel like I am getting poked with a ball point pin from within. Weird or what?

Anyway that small distraction actually settled my stomach, a little. I CAN NOT GET SICK…. I REFUSE! So I will keep you all updated after I go to the store and all!

I will do my quote with my last post of the day.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Blessing dreams can bring....

Yesterday was one of those days. After the whole Pineapple upside down cake incident, in my head I asked was this worth it? Were my goals ever going to be achieved? Then I had this dream.

I dreamt that I was with my SIL and we were at one of those mall playgrounds with our SONS. Mine was six months I never saw hers so I have no idea how old he was. It seems to me that my dream focused on this little miracle He was perfect. He had blonde golden hair, with lose little ringlets, (like my brother and nieces) . His eyes where such a light blue like his dad. He was mine. He was 6months and crawling and pulling himself up. My sil and I were talking about how he looking to become an early walker and I remember thinking I need him to not to walk so I could keep him as a baby for just a bit longer. Then I woke up, sadden because it was only a dream, cheered up because it gave me hope and a picture in my head to hold on too. I don’t know when the child is going to come but I know he will one day. He is worth it. I will not stop until he is in my arms. Smiling that knowing smile that we have meet before. I know this was a gift given to me by my Heavenly Father to let me know I am doing the right things.

There is a wonderful book about stories like this by Sarah Hinze. It is one of my favorites in a way it provides comfort to me when I don’t have a child in my arms. It talks a lot about our premortal existence; and how these men and women have dreams or visions about their children before they are born. Then meeting them once they are born.

I have to think that this is what this was. I have had one dream like this before. When I just found out about PCOS I had a dream that I ascended right in the middle of a circle of children that were meant to be in my family. Some had different colored skin showing me we would adopt and others look like me and Mark. The love was amazing. That was the last dream I ever had about my future family. I have been holding on to that image for 4 years. Until last night I am so thankful. \

Have you ever dreamt of your future, with children running in the background? It amazes me what blessing can come from a simple dream.

Quote if the day:

"In this age of one hour dry cleaning and one minute fast food franchises, it may at times seem to us as though a loving Heavenly Father has misplaced our precious promises or He has put them on hold or filed them under the wrong name. . . .

"When heaven's promises sometimes seem afar off, I pray that each of us will embrace these exceeding great and precious promises and never let go. . . . God will remember you."

Spencer J. Condie, "Claim the Exceeding Great and Precious Promises," Ensign, Nov. 2007, 18

Monday, May 10, 2010

The Pineapple Upside down cake that wasn’t

Yesterday I was offered a pineapple upside down cake. I had it on my plate, I had taken my fork to cut off a piece, was about an inch from my mouth; when the peanut gallery started to yell. “Don’t do it!” “You have worked so hard” “Once you start you won’t stop” Then I did it, I went back to the kitchen put my piece back and gave a sigh. Peer pressure made me not eat something I shouldn’t have….but in a sick kinda way I wish I would have. My huhhy said he was proud, and that made me feel better, then he brought me some oranges. That will have to satisfy my sweet tooth until my goals are meet.

On a different note…has anyone ever heard of Macca? It is suppose to help with fertility.
quote of the day:
When temptation comes, you can invent a delete key in your mind—perhaps the words from a favorite hymn. Your mind is in charge; your body is the instrument of your mind. When some unworthy thought pushes into your mind, replace it with your delete key. Worthy music is powerful and can help you control your thoughts (see D&C 25:12).”

Boyd K. Packer, “Prayer and Promptings,” Ensign, Nov. 2009, 46

Friday, May 7, 2010

Because I can't wait....My diet part3 and my before and after pics!!!

So this is my supplement regiment .

Since I am not a doctor I will include the medical take on it , then tell you what I have noticed at the end.


“The spice can help to control the blood sugar levels in the body and could lower bad cholesterol (LDL) levels significantly. It can also lower triglycerides and total cholesterol. Research has shown that when a person suffering from Type 2 diabetes added one gram of cinnamon to their diet each day for 40 days, their blood sugar levels decreased by a significant amount. Their bad cholesterol, triglycerides, and total cholesterol levels were lowered considerably as well.”
Natural Health

Red Raspberry Leaf

Red Raspberry Leaf has a highly nutritive ingredient which aids in its ability to tone the uterus and muscles of the pelvic region. Red Raspberry is a powerful fertility-promoting herb

Omega 3 Fish oil
"Studies show that infertility is directly related to the amount of fish oil you consume. Fish oil balances hormones, improves hormonal levels and increases blood flow to the uterus. The more Omega 3 fatty acids you get the greater your odds of conceiving."
Bella online articles

Prenatal vitamin
"Prenatal vitamins are excellent to use while a woman is trying to become pregnant. Many studies have shown that woman who used prenatal vitamins had a significant increased number of conceptions."
Healing from about

Apple Cider vinegar 2tspn before each meal.

Promotes weight loss

Reduces sugar cravings

Aids in digestion — ACV helps stimulate your stomach acid which aids in the digestion of protein and fats. Healthy digestion is important for overall health and weight control.

Weight control — Apple cider vinegar speeds up metabolism especially when taken regularly before meals and if used with a sensible diet and exercise program. ACV has also been proven to help burn fat!

Helps prevent dandruff, itching scalp, baldness (common with PCOS!!)

Helps maintain healthy skin

Restores your body’s pH balance — Your blood is supposed to be slightly alkaline, but poor diet and lifestyle choices harm that pH balance. As your blood becomes acidic, the stage is set for illness. Acidity has also been shown to affect fertility. Women who have hostile cervical mucus have also been shown to have a higher acidity in their body. This is essential for those of you trying to conceive as ACV helps restore your body’s pH.

Believe it or not, recent studies have proven that ACV is also incredibly beneficial in controlling insulin resistance. Actually, this study showed ACV to be just as helpful in controlling IR as Metformin and other insulin sensitizing drugs !

{Belive it or not but this list could go on and on }


Since taking these I have noticed a difference in energy, my cycle has become more regular and less painful. I think I have even lost some weight.

I am always on the look out for new things to try what do you take that has helped you?

So last but not least here is my before and after pic:

Quote of the day:
"There has come to you as your birthright something beautiful and sacred and divine. Never forget that. Your Eternal Father is the great Master of the universe. He rules over all, but He also will listen to your prayers as His daughter and hear you as you speak with Him. He will answer your prayers. He will not leave you alone."

Gordon B. Hinckley, "Stay on the High Road," Ensign, May 2004, 112


Thursday, May 6, 2010

My diet part 2

What do I eat?


I have always been a salad fan so eating more has been an issue for me, I do spruce it up a bit though. When ever we have fajitas or pulled pork {really anything that goes in bread or tortillas} I put it on top of my salad. Spinach is a great source of folic acid So I try to eat that as much as possible.


I love my veggies. I eat them as snacks, and with meals . My goal is to try and get 5 servings or more a day.


Fruit has become my sweet craving. I have this when ever I feel like I need a sweet fix. This is also something I try eat enough servings of.


I know that there is a rumor going around that carbs are bad. I don’t think that this is quite true, for not all carbs are created equal. In the last book I read “the Fertility Diet” He talked a lot on low carb vs. Slow carbs. He talked about how high processed carbs such as white flour and corn flakes will actually raise the blood sugar instantly {which is not always a good thing with PCOS} and slow carbs take a longer time to raise the blood sugar disputing nutrients along the way. So as a result of this I have cut out high processed carbs. Do you remember yesterday when I said I cut out pasta? Well I kinda lied. I actually still eat pasta every week , the difference? I make it myself taking out the anything that is processed. It only has three ingredients whole wheat flour, salt, and eggs. Simple, yummy and healthy. {You can find the recipes I use on my other blog here.}


I try to have beans everyday the health benefits are amazing and in the fertlity diet it says it can actually raise infertility. My favorite way to have bean is on salad I don’t know why it just taste so good.


I do not eat trans fat at all. Did I mention that yesterday? I can’t remember. Although I don’t eat trans fat I do eat unsaturated fat like olive oil, avocados, almonds fish. Even my oat meal has some ( It has Flax Seed in it. I also eat some saturated fat. In the Fertility Diet book {geez I should get paid for how much I talk about it} It talks about how just by stopping eating trans fat and eating unsaturated and saturated fat you can kick start your ovulation.


Every morning I eat a 7 grain oat meal. {It looks like sweet feed my hubby says} For sweets I add Jelly that is from sprouts that has just straw berries and natural pectin. It taste so good.! I also put a cup of whole milk in to get my dairy serving.


I have two servings of whole dairy a day.

I think that this is it. Tomorrow I will post about the supplements I take. I also will post my 2 month picture. If you have any questions about my diet just email me or leave a comment. I hope this has helped I have noticed just by eating more of the good I feel good. What is your favorite snack? How have you changed your diet to reach your baby dreams?

Quote of the day:

"Should there be anyone who feels he is too weak to do better because of that greatest of fears, the fear of failure, there is no more comforting assurance to be had than the words of the Lord: 'My grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them' (Ether 12:27)."

Thomas S. Monson, "Our Sacred Priesthood Trust," Ensign, May 2006, 57



Wednesday, May 5, 2010

My Diet part 1 Foods I avoid

My diet in a net shell.

I have deicide to do this in three parts. Today I will talk about what I stopped eating and what the benefits I have seen come from this.

My diet is pretty easy, I do not follow a plan I have tried to in the past and although the results were desirable in the end I always resorted to my old ways, and gaining the weight back. (Last time I gained it back plus it brought friends with it.) So now I try to eat healthy and avoid certain things. I always listen for tips to help me out along the way.

Refined Sugar

With PCOS {correct me if I am wrong since this is my understanding} hormones in the body increases the insulin. {Which is why I assume that women have a higher chance of type 2 diabetes.} So after 2.5 years of research the conclusion that I came to for myself is to just give it up. This is something that I had to give up cold turkey, I would never do it if I didn’t. The result? For me was this:

*Weight Loss

* higher Energy

* The best news of all one 2 cm benign cyst {The key word here is one!!! Yeah!}

To replace sugar because I do have a tid bit of a sweet tooth. I eat fruit, and drink 100% fruit juice. {The only ingredient is the fruit, my favorite right now is watermelon}

Other things I have given up which I think helped me with the above benefits.

White Rice

White Flour

Pasta ( I will talk more about this tomorrow)

Skim Milk ( In the Fertility Diet it talks about how this can help hinder fertility where as Whole Milk and Whole Dairy products can help it, but only by eating no more no less then 2 servings)

Soy products. ( This is especially for men it decreases their fertility Source:Conceive Magazine )

Saturated Fat


I think that because I have given all this junk up it has really helped me and it has only but 2 months!

There is a really good pod cast from Conceive Magazine about the food we eat and how it effects fertility Here is the link!

I hope this helped, it is just impossible to write it all out in one day.

Tomorrow I am going to blog about all the wonderful food I eat that have really helped me out.
Quote of the day:
"In my quiet moments, I think of the future with all of its wonderful possibilities and with all of its terrible temptations. I wonder what will happen to you in the next 10 years. Where will you be? What will you be doing? That will depend on the choices you make, some of which may seem unimportant at the time but which will have tremendous consequences.

"Someone has said, 'It may make a difference to all eternity whether we do right or wrong today' (James Freeman Clarke, in Elbert Hubbard's Scrap Book [1923], 95).

"You have the potential to become anything to which you set your mind. You have a mind and a body and a spirit. With these three working together, you can walk the high road that leads to achievement and happiness. But this will require effort and sacrifice and faith."

Gordon B. Hinckley, "Stay on the High Road," Ensign, May 2004, 112-13


Tuesday, May 4, 2010


Today went pretty good. I finally got my TCM guide to infertility and so far it’s pretty good. I will give you a full report later. Today was also the first day that I have actually remembered to write down what I ate and I got to say that I did alright if anything I didn’t eat enough {which has always been my problem}. I have been thinking a lot about what positive changes can I make in my life, and one is limited time to technology. I have decided that I spend to much time on the computer or watching tv. I am trying to escape life instead of living it. I am so blessed and what do I do with it? Nothing. I have so many talents that I have lost because I am doing nothing about it. That ended today. I only turn on the tv once and that was for Oprah…{why is that show so addicting?} I played with my little girl all day today. I learned something new {how to make pasta}. I didn’t read my scriptures to read them I ponder them, I studied them, I enjoyed them.

It is so easy to get to the point on this journey where all you have in tunnel vision, forget the events that surround you . I know that this is how I can get. The house could be burning down but if that doesn’t help my “baby wanting dreams” then who cares. Well I want to say good bye to that person, and hello to the women I met today. How could I live so long only going through the motions of life?

Am I the only one who gets like this? I am so glad I had this awakening! What has awaken you?


“The real life we’re preparing for is eternal life. Secular knowledge has for us eternal significance. Our conviction is that God, our Heavenly Father, wants us to live the life that He does. All we can learn that is true while we are in this life will rise with us in the Resurrection. And all that we can learn will enhance our capacity to serve.”

Henry B. Eyring, “Real-Life Education,” New Era, Apr. 2009, 8

Saturday, May 1, 2010

35 days later....

and af flow came to visit!!!! I really think that this sugar thing is working out, 1st it was the cyst and now this a visit from AF 60-40 days early. Seriously it not in the triple digits!!! Lets see what happens next month. I also got a new DVD Fertility Yoga. I tried it the other night and have come to the conclusion that I need more practice in regular Yoga before I can try this.  I also need to build my upper body strength and flexibility.
Next week I am thinking maybe Wednesday I will post my diet outline. I am just finishing some portable guides that I would like to share.
I hope all is well!

Friday, April 30, 2010

Advice for sale! 5 cents a pop

I find that since I have started down this path I have been on a roller coaster of emotions. I am not one of those types who gets offended at baby announcements. I am generally happy for them. As I was reading Busted Plumbing (Which if you want a good read I would diffently go read her blog) talked about things that can offend an infertile. I think it is different for each person. For me there are a few that take me to my sad place. Here are the ones I can think of:

1. “I heard if you lose weight you will get pregnant.” or “ I had a friend who lost weight and she got pregnant maybe that will work for you”

I don’t know about you guys but weight is my Achilles heel. I feel like a soccer punch to my gut when ever I hear this . I mean how would you feel if I said you know those jeans would fit you better if you lost some weight? I could go on and on but I think I have made my point.

2. “ At least you have one.”

If the last one was a soccer punch this one is a hit to the groin. I know how blessed I am to have my baby. I don’t really know how to express how much this affects me. I watch my child play alone, I watch her ask why all her friends have brothers and sisters, I have even seen her had “make believe” brothers and sisters. The idea of a big family will never leave my mind, the idea of my husband being a father again is something I will continue to hold on to. My infertility doesn’t just effect my life but it effects each person in my family in some way. So I might have one but I know that we have more children that are waiting to join our family.

3. “Just relax”

Isn’t this what you use to hear in school when that big test was coming? Will this is just a reminder infertility isn’t as easy as relaxing for a test. Believe me if this was a test I would have Aced it along time ago.


I don’t know why this gets on my nerves but it really does. I know pregnancy is hard I have been there, but sometimes you don’t realize the miracle from within. I think this comes from having taking my 1st and only one for granted. I truly thought I was a fertile and took it at face value. Now I have seen the light. I am super excited for your child to come in to the world except when I hear things like this:

I can’t believe I am pregnant again. Just what I don’t need!

IF I have this baby now sure it will be premature but it will survive (34 weeks pregnant)

One drink or smoke won’t do that much damage.

I wish I could say I was making this up, but people have said these things to me. Children are a blessing. Being pregnant with a child is a blessing. I understand it is uncomfortable. I don’t know maybe I am just crazy. When ever I think of how a pregnant lady should behave I think of my two SILS (One is pregnant and one just had her 2nd) They were and are so happy and even though they were or are uncomfortable there was never a doubt they knew how blessed they were and are. I truly hope that when I am pregnant again I will remember their actions and behave in a like manner.

I think those are the big ones in my book . If you do have a friend who is infertile let me give you some advice how to not offend them.

1. Listen.

Before giving them advice on what they are going through, especially if you have no experience in this field listen. That’s what we infertile’s need most a listening ear.

2. If you choose to give advice.

THINK. (1) Would I like someone to say something like that to me in a trial I am going through? (2) No really how would it sound. (3) If you can’t think of anything just give them a hug (if there not that type then skip this step) tell them you will be there for them and then tell them they are in your prayers.

3. Encourage them.
 Let them know you are on there team. ( I have often wondered if I made team jersey’s who would wear them eagerly.)

4. Be positive with them.
In infertility every small accomplishment is like a victory. My family is so good at this! for example. My last ultra sound showed one normal cyst. That has never happened to me. I always have at least four on one ovary and they need to be watched. When this happened my MIL seemed to be more excited then me and then made me tell my SIL who seemed to be super excited for me and so on and so on. I have never felt so loved. It is so easy to feel alone, but when we are allowed to share the good and the bad it takes some of the burden away and shows us how blessed we are.

Did I miss anything? What would you say is the best advice you have received is?

Qoute of the day:
“ My message to you today, my brothers and sisters, is simply this: the Lord is in control. He knows the end from the beginning. He has given us adequate instruction that, if followed, will see us safely through any crisis. His purposes will be fulfilled, and someday we will understand the eternal reasons for all of these events. Therefore, today we must be careful to not overreact, nor should we be caught up in extreme preparations; but what we must do is keep the commandments of God and never lose hope!”

M. Russell Ballard, “The Joy of Hope Fulfilled,” Ensign, Nov. 1992, 31

Love you all


Thursday, April 29, 2010

The Fertility Diet

I can’t believe that it is already Thursday!!! It is so crazy how fast time flies. So last night I finished the book The Fertility Diet. It was well to be honest Super Boring and I had to force myself to read it. I am so glad I did though because although the book was dull the info was really good. It basically broke down the nutrition value and how it helps you obtain you goal. He then showed his evidence through the National Nurse’s Study. It was refreshing to know I was doing a lot of things right and scary to know what I was doing wrong. He also includes a lot of good tips for women struggling with PCOS. So here are the most interesting things I have learned.

1. “Trans fats are a powerful deterrent to ovulation an conception”

Now I know we all know that trans fats are bad, but I never thought it would be that bad but it make since. This also makes me a bit sad because I love my Tobacco flavored Cheese its. Would it be distasteful to have a funeral for trans fat by eating it? Ahhh I guess the best answer is to stay away. I also learned that on those funny little nutritional labels that they can say no trans fat if it has fewer then .5 grams in it; so you have to look for key words such as “partially hydrogenated vegetable oil” and “vegetable shortening”. {This must be pretty important for he mention’s to look out for it 4 times in that chapter.}

2. “ The amount of carbohydrates in (a) diet doesn’t affect fertility, but the quality of those carbohydrates does” …… “ …cold breakfast cereals, white rice, and potatoes were linked with a higher of ovulatory infertility.”

NOOOOO!!!!! How sad is this info? All of the above food are staples in my house. What am I going to do? Bring out the black veil for I am in morning over my favorite foods. I guess brown rice isn’t that bad and I don’t like cereal so that’s good, but potatoes? COME ON! I am from Idaho how can I not eat potatoes‘. I just got to keep telling myself I will be happy in the long run.

3. “Among women with …PCOS , this amount of weight loss (7%) can not only restore ovulation and menstruation but can also clear the skin and curb excess facial hair.”

I love this! 7% seems much easier then the lbs that I really need to lose. I literally read this and thought holy cow I am almost there! I then I got the good feeling butterflies in my tummy and the world was good…even if for now it doesn’t include potatoes.

4. “Taking folic acid may also somehow directly stimulate ovulation”

Now they recommend 400mcg of folic acid in a multi vitamin. How exciting is this I knew to take while trying just in case but I never knew that it would help to become pregnant! All I can think is yeah I am doing something right.

So there are some things that I learned. All in all the knowledge that I received was totally worth reading it. I plan to follow it as best I can. I do recommend it to any one who is struggling to have a baby I am hopping that it will help me with my long term goal of being pregnant.

My next book I am planning on reading is The Infertility Cure: The Ancient Chinese Wellness Program for Getting Pregnant and Having Healthy Babies

So I will let you know how it goes. What books have you read that have helped you?

BOOK INFO: The Fertility Diet: Groundbreaking Research Reveals Natural Ways to Boost Ovulation and Improve Your Chances of Getting Pregnant (Hardcover)


Jorge Chavarro (Author) , Walter Willett (Author), Patrick Skerrett (Author)
You can find this book for a good deal on Amazon I think I found it there for like $6.00.

“Our challenges, including those we create by our own decisions, are part of our test in mortality. Let me assure you that your situation is not beyond the reach of our Savior. Through Him, every struggle can be for our experience and our good (see D&C 122:7). Each temptation we overcome is to strengthen us, not destroy us. The Lord will never allow us to suffer beyond what we can endure (see 1 Corinthians 10:13).”

Robert D. Hales, “Becoming Provident Providers Temporally and Spiritually,” Ensign, May 2009, 7


Wednesday, April 28, 2010

My story

So now you know the facts about infertility I thought I would share my story and how infertility affects me.

I always knew that I wanted a big family. When I was little, even now I have watched as sisters, bond and are so close to one another. Brothers who are truly best friends. I always knew that this is something I wanted for my family. So after I found out I was pregnant with my daughter the joy within my heart was huge. Everything was normal and when she was born so was the best day of my life.  It wasn't until a year and nine months later when I had the first glimpse to what path I would later take. After a routine OBGYN appointment I found out I was pregnant again. I asked to make sure that I was and they told me they tested me twice and I was for sure pregnant. I was so overwhelmed with happiness, I couldn't wait to tell my hubby, the world was good. The OBGYN knew we had been trying for awhile and he seemed happy for us as well. Then a week later after my 2nd blood test I received a call that still haunts me right down to my heart. It was the doctor, the phone call went something like this

Me: Hello

Dr.I forgot to care: Hi Tiffany great news!

Me: yeah!!!

Dr I forgot to care: you're not pregnant

Me: ohh

Dr I forgot to care: It was probably chemical, well call me when you get a positive.

Me: Thanks I guess {then I hung up quickly and had a good cry}

That was my last positive test and the last time I saw that Dr. Although for some reason this story is still a tid bit traumatic for me still, it did give me the courage to seek help.

Three weeks later I went to see the specialist whom will now be named Dr.Strange Man. It was through him that I learned that while I was pregnant with my number1 and only, Dr I forgot to care, gave me some bad advice. He told me to eat and enjoy because this was one of the only times in life where I can; without feeling guilty. That advice led me to 70lb weight gain and PCOS. Through Dr Strange Man I was diagnosed with Endometriosis and PCOS. All though Dr Strange Man didn't help become pregnant he did teach me some very important lessons about me.

1. Be your own advocate. I know everyone knows this; and so do I but I was so far into I need a baby land that I didn't care what I was given or how I was given it. {for more details, you can email me}

2. Ask questions about everything and don't leave until you understand the answer. The great thing about Dr Strange Man was that he allowed me to ask as many questions as I needed. He would also call me back when ever I needed reassurance.

3. It is ok to question any medication that you are prescribed. like one time from a different Dr I was given a prescription for something that may help fertility but also helps Endometriosis grow rapidly. So always know what is going in your mouth.

4. Don't be afraid of taking a break. This statement is hard to think about; but every now and then on this roller coaster you, and your body need a break. Every now then take a chance to regroup and set new goals. This helps in so many different ways. This will also help you be super relaxed for your next cycle.

5. The last one I promise. Go easy on yourself. It is so easy to blame yourself when things go wrong, if I only did this, if I didn't do that. First of all this type of thinking is not only dangerous to yourself confidence but it can also hurt you personally. Take each cycle and learn from it so that you can do better. Each experience has the potential to help you achieve your goals but only if you let it. Women who go through this are strong, but often think themselves as so weak. It is time to change this perception not everyone can go through this, but those who do end up better for it.

Trials are what makes us able to handle the hard while still seeing the good.

 One more thing that I have learned. Surround yourself with people who want you to succeed and be happy. I have people whom when I need that pick me up always some how know when to call. It is an amazing feeling to know that even though they might not understand what I am going through, I can still talk to them about it. They get excited when I do and the always lend their support when something doesn’t go my way.

I no longer see Dr. Strange Man. My hubby lost his job a year ago and that put the end to expensive treatments. My fertility plan now goes as follows become healthy. Right now that is all I need to do. I am also looking in to TCM {Traditional Chinese Medicine}. I hope this has helped you understand a little of what my story is all about.
"Faith is not a theological platitude. It is a fact of life. Faith can become the very wellspring of purposeful living. There is no more compelling motivation to worthwhile endeavor than the knowledge that we are children of God, the Creator of the universe, our all-wise Heavenly Father! God expects us to do something with our lives, and he will give us help when help is sought.”

Gordon B. Hinckley, "With All Thy Getting Get Understanding," Ensign, Aug. 1988, 2


Tuesday, April 27, 2010

niaw:fact and figures + some new clothes

So for today's niaw I wanted to show you the figures. It's scary to know I am one of those numbers, but it is also somewhat comforting to know I am not alone. Everyday someone breaks free of these numbers, and I know there will be a day when I or one of my friend's will.

  •  One in six couples worldwide has some type of infertility problem

  • Forty percent of infertility cases are linked to men and 40 percent to women. In 20 percent of cases there is a joint problem.

  • Fertility decreases as a woman ages and approaches the menopause. Women are generally thought to be at their most fertile between 20 and 25 years old.
  • Hormonal disorders, damaged or blocked fallopian tubes and endometriosis, a condition in which tissue that normally lines the uterus is found elsewhere in the body, are common causes of female infertility.
  • Low sperm count or poor sperm shape or swimming ability are the major problems in male infertility.
  • A normal couple in their mid-20s having regular sex have a one in four chance of conceiving each month. Infertility is defined as the inability of a couple to conceive after a year of trying.

  • Europe leads the world in fertility treatments. In 2002 more than 324,000 treatments were reported in 23 European countries, an increase of 12 percent from the previous year. More than half took place in Germany, France and Britain. In the United States 115,000 treatments were performed in 2002
This information comes from: Mail Online Health

for the lighter side of my post I finally have my goal outfits picked out and bought! Want to see them? Well ok! The first is my casual outfit.

 It is a pair of American Eagle long shorts{size 14}

 and a  shirt from CKU {size medium}. This outfit cost me a total of  $6.00 

My second outfit is a church outfit

the Khaki Skirt  from Gap {size14}

 and the shirt is from Walmart {size jr's XL}

 This outfit cost me $5.00 dollars. I love how the shirt has a longer back, so no bottoms can be seen.

So what do you think? I know your wondering what my secret is on how I can get these for super cheap. The answer Goodwill dollar day! {I love it!}, I get great deals there! Anyway my plan is to get the next size smaller until I am in my dream size or until I need maternity.. ;). I want to fit inside of these in two weeks and I am so close to being almost there! but I hope my next one month picture update I will be in them. 

What are your goal outfits?

  • Don't judge yourself by what you understand of your potential. Trust in the Lord and what He can do with your dedicated heart and willing mind (see D&C 64:34). Order your life more effectively and eliminate trivia, meaningless detail, and activity. They waste the perishable, fixed, and limited resource of time. Choose to emphasize those matters that have an eternal consequence."Permanent, worthwhile growth is attainable, but not without great effort and the honest application of truth. Worthy accomplishment is founded in integrity. Righteousness is fundamental to happiness and desirable attainment. Righteousness is rooted in a pure heart. And indeed it protects one from contamination and the filth of the world. Righteous love is the supreme motivation for constructive change. The examples of our Father in Heaven and the Savior and Their teachings are the perfect source of motivation and direction for life."

    ~ Richard G. Scott, "Making the Right Choices" (CES fireside for young adults, Jan. 13, 2002), 4






Monday, April 26, 2010

Infertility Week

This week is Infertility Awareness week and as I am writing this post listening to one of my favorite hymns; Where can I turn for peace?. I wanted to share why I started this blog. As I thought what could I write to express the importance it has in my life the tranquility this hymn brings is so wonderful. So I thought I would share my first post again, I still believe everything I wrote when I started this struggle journey.  Which I think is saying a lot. This week I will try and share more of my story and the story of others.

I am starting this blog based on prayer. Infertility is hard, painful, and emotional. I never thought that I would be one of thousands dealing with this. I never thought it would consume so much of my thoughts. But here we are. This is a journey, it will have a happy ending. You may ask how do I know? Will it is all on faith and trust. I strongly believe that I am the only one who can control how I look at things. Sometimes I think to myself how I wish this was over, I am sure we all do. The only way to get through it is to go through it.

At the beginning I said that this was started through prayer, why? I needed an outlet to get out all the things that consume me. So I can get back into physical, mental and spiritual shape. I don't know about you, but I can no longer bottle this up. The more I shove into this tiny bottle the more I lose myself. I am ready to heal, so that I can be healed.

There are so many lesson that we can learn from each other. We each need a Cheering section. If you are reading this because you to are suffering from longing, then we are uniquely bonded. Let us go through this together as only people who know can. Let us be there for each other. If you are reading this to try and understand, thank you. We need you too.

I will be back soon I hope we all can become friends!

I may not know you, but I want to .

If you are want to learn more about this journey 1 in 8 women will take please click on the following links.

If you would like to know more about National Infertility Awareness Week check out:

If you want to know more about Project IF head over to:
{ I have to give a shout out to Tami over at My Infertile life UNEDITED I tolally coppied the links from her blog}
"When filled with God's love, we can do and see and understand things that we could not otherwise do or see or understand. Filled with His love, we can endure pain, quell fear, forgive freely, avoid contention, renew strength, and bless and help others in ways surprising even to us."

John H. Groberg, "The Power of God's Love," Ensign, Nov. 2004, 11


Friday, April 23, 2010

So you know that no sugar thingy.....

No I haven't fallen off the band wagon or anything like that; it actually just the opposite. I am still kicking strong as ever. I just wanted to give you all an update. I went to the doctor a week ago and not only have I lost 4 more lbs but I had an internal ultra sound. Now every ultrasound that I have been to I have had multiple cyst on both ovaries. So imagine my surprise when the doctor says well I only see one clear cyst!!!! Now my first thought was OK now how many are on the left? but no one total!!!! I totally think that it is the no sugar thingy that is working. 
I might have shed a happy tear here and there but I have already noticed the difference in the clothes I am wearing. I wasn't able to fit into my shorts from two years ago and I was going to throw them away donate then  but then I deiced to try them on. Guess what they fit!!! Holy cow I cannot believe it.
So this is the trend I think that I am going  to keep following.  Next week I am also going to start working out again, I think I burnt myself out so I am going to take it easy and start my yoga again.

So how did your week go?

 “None of us makes it through this life without problems and challenges—and sometimes tragedies and misfortunes. After all, in large part we are here to learn and grow from such events in our lives. We know that there are times when we will suffer, when we will grieve, and when we will be saddened. However, we are told, ‘Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy.’

How might we have joy in our lives, despite all that we may face? Again from the scriptures: ‘Wherefore, be of good cheer, and do not fear, for I the Lord am with you, and will stand by you.’ ”

Thomas S. Monson, “Be of Good Cheer,” Ensign, May 2009, 89