Friday, January 23, 2009

So today... I guess it is tomorrow now, I had not what I would call a good day; but a GREAT day!!! How did it start you ask? Will I woke up and cleaned, and then I waited in a doctors office for lets see two hours? Um yeah it was that long. But all in all the ultra sound went great and I have one Egg that is perfect, although he couldn't really see my other Ovary she was a little shy, but no matter I was given my first ever trigger shot! This is honestly amazing because I have had these shot since MAY of LAST YEAR! So to get to this little step has been truly amazing!
I just cannot contain myself..... I will be starting my first, after 2yrs Two WEEK WAIT!!!!

So that is my big news.... The other thing that I wanted to talk about was actually talking, when I am out and about with friends, I noticed something; people are kinda nervous to talk to me. Then I found out the reason they were curious of how things were going. It didn't bug me or anything I just wanted to tell people its ok to ask! I don't have a problem talking about my trial, for the first thing in some sick way it makes me feel better that people know there is a reason to my madness. The second is I would rather tell you then think there is a problem. I am not contagious, I answer questions just find in fact, I would rather you hear it from me then from other people because only I know the whole truth.
Well that is it, I am in bliss right now hoping that there is a bun in this oven. Thank Heavens for my SIL's wedding I sure hope this weeks flies, I am kinda nervous about the second one. I know I am probably going to break down and test early, I mean who can wait until the following Monday to find out blood test? ahh is this really happening?
Anyway thanks for your prayer and thoughts I love you all

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Well tomorrow is the day...again. I am trying not to put so much hope that my little eggs have grown, but it hard not to. Why? Because there is a chance that maybe this could be it. I dunno, it has been a weird week it seems as though it should not be Thursday, it feels more like a Tuesday to me. This week has been so short. There is so much to do!
In a way though it has been nice because there is no room to think, about what could be and what could not be. I just wish I knew, I hate surprises, I have felt a little pain "down there"so I am hoping it is growing pains. If it is not at least I don't have waste a $132.00 shot.
I have been looking through some other infertility blogs and it seems as though over half of them were preggers! Isn't that great hope, they have been where I am now, and are where I want to be! I love back tracking, to were they first find out and to read the excitement that seeps through lines of their blogs. I hope to add more blogs on the side as I find them. There is great strength and comfort in numbers, and to know that we are not alone, is a powerful tool!
I am inspired, and I know that good news will be with me soon, maybe not as soon as I want, but soon enough.
I love you all!
More tomorrow after my Dr's apt....

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Well I am finished with all the pills for this cycle. I feel a bit beaten up. The last pill I had to take cause alot of joint pain, headaches and moodiness. My poor family.I am sure I had made no since this last week. Last Friday was not as fun as I hope it would be, my eggs were not large enough to be giving the HCG shot. We now have to wait until Friday to see if this week is our week to receive the shot. I have now gone to the Doctors every Friday for the last month. I think I have since my insides (through Ultra Sound) more then most. This past weekend was hard, so many new people are pregnant, and its not that I am not happy for them because I truly am it goes past that, it is as though there is a club and I cannot get in, no matter how hard I try. Enough of that. Hopefully my little eggs will grow big and strong. Do you think Mark would look at me weird if I asked him to give them a little encouraging words through out the week? Hmm I might try to convince him. All in in all this is another busy week, I have two showers on Saturday a baby one and a wedding. I am looking forward to both... I hope to have good news by then!
I hope you weeks are going well I wish I had something more encouraging to say. But I know that if you are going through this as well you know that this trial has is hard and it take a few tears to get through every now and then.
I hope to get to write latter this week !
Love you all

Friday, January 16, 2009

Today was a hard day. Just a quick update.... I ended my Lupron Shots two weeks ago, and the last week I have been taking both Clomid and Femara. Today I was suppose to get my trigger shot. I didn't, my eggs are not big enough. My RE wants to wait and see if they grow bigger. I pray they do. There is something in my gut that is telling me this is our month. I can't help but question myself though I thought I would be pregnant by October. I have faith, and that is such a comfort, but I can't help but break down....maybe its the hormones. That is one blessing the hormones really don't let me hold anything in.
The pain is raw, I feel as though the wind has been knocked out me. I have tried to keep myself busy I baked bread, whipped up some Turkey Salad, and cleaned my house. I really haven't felt emotional until I had a quiet moment where the question came in my head, when? I will not let my hope die, I still have a chance for this month. This is the way I feel and I might be completely wrong but as soon as I let my faith drown and my hope die then this trial has won. (I am way to competitive for that ;) ) Venting is good for the soul it lets you get everything out so nothing is left to grow in to bitterness and hatred. I am so grateful I have place like this to do that very thing.
Nobody said this path would be easy, but I am so grateful that I have the comfort of my Father in Heaven. In the DR's office even though it hurt I was at peace at comforted. I think it is important to still feel this pain, I learned along time ago it is not selfish deed to let yourself feel. It makes you stronger and very aware of the blessing we have.
Thank you all for being a great blessing to me.