Busted Plumbing (Which if you want a good read I would diffently go read her blog) talked about things that can offend an infertile. I think it is different for each person. For me there are a few that take me to my sad place. Here are the ones I can think of:
1. “I heard if you lose weight you will get pregnant.” or “ I had a friend who lost weight and she got pregnant maybe that will work for you”
I don’t know about you guys but weight is my Achilles heel. I feel like a soccer punch to my gut when ever I hear this . I mean how would you feel if I said you know those jeans would fit you better if you lost some weight? I could go on and on but I think I have made my point.
2. “ At least you have one.”
If the last one was a soccer punch this one is a hit to the groin. I know how blessed I am to have my baby. I don’t really know how to express how much this affects me. I watch my child play alone, I watch her ask why all her friends have brothers and sisters, I have even seen her had “make believe” brothers and sisters. The idea of a big family will never leave my mind, the idea of my husband being a father again is something I will continue to hold on to. My infertility doesn’t just effect my life but it effects each person in my family in some way. So I might have one but I know that we have more children that are waiting to join our family.
3. “Just relax”
Isn’t this what you use to hear in school when that big test was coming? Will this is just a reminder infertility isn’t as easy as relaxing for a test. Believe me if this was a test I would have Aced it along time ago.
4. DON”T TAKE YOUR BABY BUMP FOR GRANTED
I don’t know why this gets on my nerves but it really does. I know pregnancy is hard I have been there, but sometimes you don’t realize the miracle from within. I think this comes from having taking my 1st and only one for granted. I truly thought I was a fertile and took it at face value. Now I have seen the light. I am super excited for your child to come in to the world except when I hear things like this:
I can’t believe I am pregnant again. Just what I don’t need!
IF I have this baby now sure it will be premature but it will survive (34 weeks pregnant)
One drink or smoke won’t do that much damage.
I wish I could say I was making this up, but people have said these things to me. Children are a blessing. Being pregnant with a child is a blessing. I understand it is uncomfortable. I don’t know maybe I am just crazy. When ever I think of how a pregnant lady should behave I think of my two SILS (One is pregnant and one just had her 2nd) They were and are so happy and even though they were or are uncomfortable there was never a doubt they knew how blessed they were and are. I truly hope that when I am pregnant again I will remember their actions and behave in a like manner.
I think those are the big ones in my book . If you do have a friend who is infertile let me give you some advice how to not offend them.
Before giving them advice on what they are going through, especially if you have no experience in this field listen. That’s what we infertile’s need most a listening ear.
2. If you choose to give advice.
THINK. (1) Would I like someone to say something like that to me in a trial I am going through? (2) No really how would it sound. (3) If you can’t think of anything just give them a hug (if there not that type then skip this step) tell them you will be there for them and then tell them they are in your prayers.
3. Encourage them.
Let them know you are on there team. ( I have often wondered if I made team jersey’s who would wear them eagerly.)
4. Be positive with them.
In infertility every small accomplishment is like a victory. My family is so good at this! for example. My last ultra sound showed one normal cyst. That has never happened to me. I always have at least four on one ovary and they need to be watched. When this happened my MIL seemed to be more excited then me and then made me tell my SIL who seemed to be super excited for me and so on and so on. I have never felt so loved. It is so easy to feel alone, but when we are allowed to share the good and the bad it takes some of the burden away and shows us how blessed we are.
Did I miss anything? What would you say is the best advice you have received is?
Qoute of the day:
“ My message to you today, my brothers and sisters, is simply this: the Lord is in control. He knows the end from the beginning. He has given us adequate instruction that, if followed, will see us safely through any crisis. His purposes will be fulfilled, and someday we will understand the eternal reasons for all of these events. Therefore, today we must be careful to not overreact, nor should we be caught up in extreme preparations; but what we must do is keep the commandments of God and never lose hope!”
M. Russell Ballard, “The Joy of Hope Fulfilled,” Ensign, Nov. 1992, 31
Love you all
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