Day 1 !

Well today was my 1st day of training. It was interesting.... I learned alot about my running ability.

• I can run and that fact itself amazed me.
• My sweat must have some special smell because one dog practically jump over the wall to run with me and another started to run with me. {it looked a little disappointed when I stop to walk after a min}
• Drying hacking on the side of the road well make people on their way to work slow down and stare. It will also scare the person trying to sneak into their car if you accidentally make eye contact while dry heaving.
• My new least favorite combination words is "brisk walk"
• Do not eat and then go for your run...ouch!
• Showers are amazing after a run
• Smoothies are quite tasty as well!

All that aside it was an OK experience. I didn't trip like I thought I would. I can already feel the burn. On the upside I got to see the sunrise today. I think my body has been craving this since it promptly woke me up at 4am! I am so blessed to be able to this and I can feel my body healing.

quick story TMI Warning.

I have been kinda worried since I have been off the nasty hormones. I haven't been able to get a visit from Aunt Flow on my own since I started Fertility treatments. The first time after was 70days which kinda took me back a little because before this all started my longest cycle had been 42days. The other day after some scripture study I was pondering if I was doing everything I could to make myself heal. I am eating healthy, I am now getting exercise daily, and I am doing everything in my power to be healthy. Then it donned on me I haven't prayed to be healed. I don't know how I over looked this step. I prayed for a baby, a new addition to my family anything but actually the thing that could help me achieve these goals which is to heal. So after I began to pray to be healthy and healed Aunt Flow came for a visit. This cycle was only 37days... I have never been so excited for her to come. It is amazing what you can learn to love.

I would love to leave you with this thought:

"As you walk to the boundary of your understanding into the twilight of uncertainty, exercising faith, you will be led to find solutions to the challenges of life you would not obtain otherwise. No matter how strong your faith is, God will not always reward you immediately according to your desires. Rather He will respond with what in His eternal plan is best for you. Your exercise of faith will forge strength of character available to you in times of critical need. Such character is not developed in moments of great challenge or temptation. That is when it is used."
Richard G. Scott, "Living Right," Ensign, Jan. 2007, 10, 12

I hope your day is going great!

Tiffany

Couch to 5k

Going from this:

To this:( I just thought that this pic was to funny!)

This week I am feeling so much better! I took this week off so that I could get back into my eating habits and so I would be ready to start training for my 5k in January!!!! I was going to do the mayo clinics training, but then after the advice from a friend I deiced to do the couch to 5k training program. It sounds just like the thing I need to get ready for January.

Basically how it works is like this you run three days a week starting in small increments. Then on the off days your exercise is up to you. So this is how my schedule is going to look:

Monday: Running

Tuesday: Strength training Arms/ Shoulders with bands

Wednesday: Running

Thursday: Strength training Abs /upper body

Friday: Running

Saturday and Sunday Days of rest!

So I will post everyday to let you know how it is going hopefully. If anyone would like to do this with me I would love the support, just leave me a comment and I would love to support you as well!

This is how first weeks running is going to look like:

Brisk five-minute warm up walk.

Then alternate 60 seconds of jogging

and

90 seconds of walking

for a total of 20 minutes.

If you would like to see the whole schedule then check it out here: Cool Running

Ramblings of a tired, sick women ,

I don't know what it is about this week I am just feeling so...what the word unmotivated. I don't know why this will be my forth week of dieting and I have done so well until last night when I ate two pieces of candy and a small brownie. Then I haven't worked out since last Thursday! Then on top of everything I woke up yesterday feeling a little under the weather and today I woke up sick.
So dose anyone have any tips? I need to work out today, I was going to start working out twice a day this week but I am afraid I am going to have to wait until I feel better. ugh.... I will start over today that is just what I have to do.
Any advice would be great!
Thanks for reading my ramblings.
Tiff

Still working on it.....

So I wanted to write and let you know how I was doing and what I have been doing. Mark is still looking for work, and I am still on this diet craze. This is my 3rd week doing it and so far I have been doing good with a few bad days...I will call them weekends. My goal is to lose three pounds a week which you know if you have PCOS it is an up hill battle.
I have been using a book called Fertility Foods ( the price isn't that bad on Amazon I think I paid 3.00 +shipping)

Any way may main goal is to eat which I know sounds silly but for me its my down fall. My average calorie count is around 900 calories. Why so little and why does it matter you ask? Will I am guilty of skipping meals and I have been known to skip up to 10 meals a day. Which is HORRIBLE FOR YOUR BODY! (sorry didn't mean to scare you.) You see when you skip meals your body goes into oh my she starving mode and then takes all the fat from anything you and stores it up. Then when you add PCOS to it you might as well jump off a cliff grab onto a branch half way down and try to climb back up. So this my diet created by me. I eat most of my carbs in the morning with an breakfast sandwich this way I have the whole day to burn them off. In the middle of the morning I have a smoothie with natural orange juice, yogurt to sweeten it and frozen berries. ( This week I am trying vanilla Activea yogurt0 Then for lunch I have soup from Campbell's healthy select. For dinner I usually have chicken or elk ( which is super lean) I work out for at least 30mins a day and I do 20 mins of cardio every other day. Ohh I also take some prenatal vitamins, as well as 1000 grams of cinnamon and 960 grams of red raspberry leaves.

So far so good I have lost about 8lbs and 22inches. Most of this I call my hormone weight since I was on hormones for like a year. Which can I say I feel so much better not having to take them! LOL

My goal is to do a 5k by January with my ultra fit Sister in Law. So I will start training for that in October which gives me a month to feel comfy enough to start running outside...yikes!

I hope that helps anyone who is trying to lose weight I think we all have to find what works best for each of us some need more structure and some need complete independent control. The book I mention above really helps put things into perspective,

The last motivation for this diet comes from a choice that I made with my DH. I really want to be at a healthy weight before I go back to the fertility doctor. This way it is a win win.

I wish you all luck!

Love,
Tiff

DAY ONE

Well today was day one. How did I do you ask? Well considering that I gained weight this weekend I didn't do as well as I would have liked. I started Tuesday because whenever I start the begining of the week with something it alwas fades out... so this time I did something a little different I let my week begin before I started. I have also decied that I am going to weigh myself once a week no more no less I can't worry about the scale every single morning if you catch my drift. I am also going to take my measurements once a week as well, you know just for fun. {You lose inches faster then pounds so it always a good pick me up!}


As the eating part of plan went; today I didn't do very well at all! once the ice cream crossed my mind I was lost. What I want to do is to eat 1500 calories a day and today I ate 1790 ugh... almost three hundred over. At least tomorrow I can start over.

I did however discover a nice little gem, I don't know if you have heard about but it is called excersie.tv it has free work outs on it, and let me tell you they can kick some major tushie! They are 10-50mins long. I like it rhis site because I get bored really easy and with this I can do three 10min work outs at night and yoga on my wii in the morning. For right now it is like my perfect ying to my yang.



It has been nice to do things for my family as well, today I took Megs out for some mommy daughter time. It was nice to spend some time with my little one. She is getting so old so fast, can you belive I am already getting mailers for kindergarten...yikes!!! When I took Megs out Marks got to snooze which is always nice, I feel like we never get enough sleep!

Ohh and then Mark did the sweetest thing and let me go grocery shoping by myself...oh man sometimes it feels good to have that alone time!!!! So all in all today was a good day.

On the baby front nothing really new I think this new journey to being healthy really holds the key to becoming a fertile person again and if not then at least I won't get the "look of death" from my new doctor for being too big...

Until tomorrow, Love

Tiff

Oh yeah and don't forget to laugh it helps you out when you relize you ate a small meal in candy.

On my Own.....

So here I am I am not attached to any doctor, and even if I was I can not afford it . This past weekend I had a reasoning session with myself in front of a full length mirror, all I can say is yikes!!! I have let myself go!!! I know the hormones couldn't have helped and things but I have a chance to get the ball rolling again. Before we can start with treatments again we need insurance that will cover it, (we are basic basic insurance right now). So until then I am on my own. Which is fine. .... for now (insert evil laugh here).
I am taking this time to get healthy, and reintroducing myself to moi. I am not following really any type of diet I have however set up some rules for myself to follow which is :
1. Read and do something spiritually everyday that draws me closer to Heavenly Father.
2. Do something nice for Megs (my DD), Mark and myself everyday.
3.Exercise everyday...since its a 110 degrees outside daily this will involve wii fit, and swimming, hopefully later I will be confident enough to go to our little gym here in our neighborhood.
4. Reward Reward Reward, For every 10lbs lost I will reward myself with some great!
5. I refuse to deprive myself of foods I truly enjoy, so I will just find healthier recipes for the things I love and portion size everything.
6. keep a journal to keep my accountable, this is where the blog comes in. I am keeping myself accountable by writing my thoughts and feelings plus this help keep the emotions at bay.
I think that this is it for right now but there will be more to come as I go since this is my own "diet".
Here is my challenge to you, if you would like to join me maybe we can start a little group, who knows if there is enough I am willing to do a contest.... what do you think?

So here is the deal, I just completed a cycle and guess what nothing. Although everything looked good aperatnley my endo came back. So thats it I am on break not because I want to but because we have no choice. Dh lost his job, so that means no insurance. My doc has already given me the cold shoulder, I am officaly done. Although this does give me the excuse to find a new doc the next time I can start. So I am on my own. Any suggestions? I think I will start by a blog make over. Then I will start on a self makeover. I need to lose weight, point blank end of story. Next time I start I want to be healthy I do everything on my part. I am super excited to be off hormones this will be my first time in a year that I have not had some hormone to take every night and morning. Yeah...
So as with everything a new adventure is about to begin...
Love
Tiff

So I went to the doctor on Friday. He said that my Endo is back. Lovely! All I can think is more cycles just what my body needs. So this round I am back on clomid and fermera together. I am taking 100mg and 5 mg of the other. I can feel this time around, I have been so emotional lately, I feel so bad for those around me. I did find out some new information that I wished I would have known three cycle ago! Basically because I was on lupron for 6weeks it shut down my system and acted as though I was going through menopause. (this I knew) What I didn't know was it can take up to four cycles to get your body going again. This information would have saved me so much emotional energy!
The other big shock of the day, he was the most hopeful then ever on this visited. Which I kinda have to admit is freaking me out! Usually he always has a disclaimer so I am not to hopeful not this time though. I am so unsure how I am feeling right now. If this cycle doesn't work then I will be going on lupron again.

So here is the other kinda exciting news....my husband keeps bringing up adoption. We had talked about this option before we were married and were always opened to it, later in life. Life as many know can give you twist and this might be an option. His work will give us 5000 dollars towards the adoption and if went through the church it would pretty much cover it all. So I think we are going to start this process after we buy a house.

There is ALWAYS Something to look forward towards......

Love
Tiff

I don't know why I didn't or haven't updated this blog in awhile. I guess it is because of heartbreak I just couldn't bear to write it down. I finally got to take my HCG shot for the first time and you know what? I didn't even ovulate! It made me so mad to know that this shot was worthless to my body. The Doc told me that by body does not respond to synthetic HCG so I have to by the real stuff. Who knows how much that will cost me.
The sad thing is both times I was convinced that I was preggers. My daughter has been asking for a baby brother, now that all of her friends have one. It breaks my heart to not know when this will happen for her. I keep telling her that Heavenly Father is going to help us, but to a three year old it must seem like eternity!
So the doc found another cyst last month and I had to go on Birth Control, maybe this is a god thing. I have been healthier this time around and even lost some weight hopefully this will all contribute to success. I have also been taking my pre-Natal's, Cinnamon pills and red raspberry pills. I hear those can really help when you ttc. So any way that is my fertility update. I am confidante that it will turn around soon.
Love you all and good luck

Tiff


PS
Saw this on another blog and thought that I would share.

So today... I guess it is tomorrow now, I had not what I would call a good day; but a GREAT day!!! How did it start you ask? Will I woke up and cleaned, and then I waited in a doctors office for lets see two hours? Um yeah it was that long. But all in all the ultra sound went great and I have one Egg that is perfect, although he couldn't really see my other Ovary she was a little shy, but no matter I was given my first ever trigger shot! This is honestly amazing because I have had these shot since MAY of LAST YEAR! So to get to this little step has been truly amazing!
I just cannot contain myself..... I will be starting my first, after 2yrs Two WEEK WAIT!!!!

So that is my big news.... The other thing that I wanted to talk about was actually talking, when I am out and about with friends, I noticed something; people are kinda nervous to talk to me. Then I found out the reason they were curious of how things were going. It didn't bug me or anything I just wanted to tell people its ok to ask! I don't have a problem talking about my trial, for the first thing in some sick way it makes me feel better that people know there is a reason to my madness. The second is I would rather tell you then think there is a problem. I am not contagious, I answer questions just find in fact, I would rather you hear it from me then from other people because only I know the whole truth.
Well that is it, I am in bliss right now hoping that there is a bun in this oven. Thank Heavens for my SIL's wedding I sure hope this weeks flies, I am kinda nervous about the second one. I know I am probably going to break down and test early, I mean who can wait until the following Monday to find out blood test? ahh is this really happening?
Anyway thanks for your prayer and thoughts I love you all
Tiff

Well tomorrow is the day...again. I am trying not to put so much hope that my little eggs have grown, but it hard not to. Why? Because there is a chance that maybe this could be it. I dunno, it has been a weird week it seems as though it should not be Thursday, it feels more like a Tuesday to me. This week has been so short. There is so much to do!
In a way though it has been nice because there is no room to think, about what could be and what could not be. I just wish I knew, I hate surprises, I have felt a little pain "down there"so I am hoping it is growing pains. If it is not at least I don't have waste a $132.00 shot.
I have been looking through some other infertility blogs and it seems as though over half of them were preggers! Isn't that great hope, they have been where I am now, and are where I want to be! I love back tracking, to were they first find out and to read the excitement that seeps through lines of their blogs. I hope to add more blogs on the side as I find them. There is great strength and comfort in numbers, and to know that we are not alone, is a powerful tool!
I am inspired, and I know that good news will be with me soon, maybe not as soon as I want, but soon enough.
I love you all!
More tomorrow after my Dr's apt....
Tiff

Well I am finished with all the pills for this cycle. I feel a bit beaten up. The last pill I had to take cause alot of joint pain, headaches and moodiness. My poor family.I am sure I had made no since this last week. Last Friday was not as fun as I hope it would be, my eggs were not large enough to be giving the HCG shot. We now have to wait until Friday to see if this week is our week to receive the shot. I have now gone to the Doctors every Friday for the last month. I think I have since my insides (through Ultra Sound) more then most. This past weekend was hard, so many new people are pregnant, and its not that I am not happy for them because I truly am it goes past that, it is as though there is a club and I cannot get in, no matter how hard I try. Enough of that. Hopefully my little eggs will grow big and strong. Do you think Mark would look at me weird if I asked him to give them a little encouraging words through out the week? Hmm I might try to convince him. All in in all this is another busy week, I have two showers on Saturday a baby one and a wedding. I am looking forward to both... I hope to have good news by then!
I hope you weeks are going well I wish I had something more encouraging to say. But I know that if you are going through this as well you know that this trial has is hard and it take a few tears to get through every now and then.
I hope to get to write latter this week !
Love you all
Tiff

Today was a hard day. Just a quick update.... I ended my Lupron Shots two weeks ago, and the last week I have been taking both Clomid and Femara. Today I was suppose to get my trigger shot. I didn't, my eggs are not big enough. My RE wants to wait and see if they grow bigger. I pray they do. There is something in my gut that is telling me this is our month. I can't help but question myself though I thought I would be pregnant by October. I have faith, and that is such a comfort, but I can't help but break down....maybe its the hormones. That is one blessing the hormones really don't let me hold anything in.
The pain is raw, I feel as though the wind has been knocked out me. I have tried to keep myself busy I baked bread, whipped up some Turkey Salad, and cleaned my house. I really haven't felt emotional until I had a quiet moment where the question came in my head, when? I will not let my hope die, I still have a chance for this month. This is the way I feel and I might be completely wrong but as soon as I let my faith drown and my hope die then this trial has won. (I am way to competitive for that ;) ) Venting is good for the soul it lets you get everything out so nothing is left to grow in to bitterness and hatred. I am so grateful I have place like this to do that very thing.
Nobody said this path would be easy, but I am so grateful that I have the comfort of my Father in Heaven. In the DR's office even though it hurt I was at peace at comforted. I think it is important to still feel this pain, I learned along time ago it is not selfish deed to let yourself feel. It makes you stronger and very aware of the blessing we have.
Thank you all for being a great blessing to me.
Tiff