Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Lupron shots, and joy oh joy!

So just gave my self my shot for the evening, I get so nervous as to wither I am taking the right amount. It just seems like there is so much left in the bottle. I should be done with my first two weeks of shot on Thursday morning. After that? Another 2 weeks. I have six in total of which I will go on fermera and Clomid, yes pick up your jaw I will be going on both. After which I will receive a trigger shot just to make sure I ovulate. I am so nervous and so excited at the same time.
Every Thanksgiving my mom puts out a table cloth on which we write what we are thankful for this year. The only thing I wrote was Moving Forward. Mark and I began ttc July of 2006 it wasn't until May of 2007 that I deiced it was time to seek help. So in a way in May I deiced to move forward.
Today I decided to move forward as in no longer making my emotions a burden. I deiced to share them in hopes that I will heal. I know that I will get pregnant. I also know that in order to receive blessing, I must be prepared to have them. I don't think that me keeping everything in is the right format for this, do you agree? If I have to go through many years of this I will find joy, there are so many blessing around me; that it would be ungrateful to focus on just this one thing.

I hope this process will help me become closer to my Savior and my Heavenly Father. The one thing that keeps me going is knowing that I was given this hurtle because I can get through it, my Father in Heaven knows that I can, if I couldn't he would not have given it to me. He knows me so well that I feel blessed. I was talking to my grandmother the other day and we talk about my membership into the church, would I be able to get through this? Probably, but at what cost? I have already spent so much emotional time on this, it is a battle and it is painful! But I have something that I will always hold dear and that is the comfort of the spirit given to me by my Father in Heaven. I can't even think how much it would hurt without that.
Sorry I am getting a little worked up, let me get a drink.... ok I am better now. Lets play a game let call it The Blessing Game. I challenge all who read this at the end of one of their post during the week to come up with five blessing that you wouldn't have had if you weren't going through this! Can you do it? I bet you can, I'll start.
1. I have become aware how blessed I am to have Megs she is my first Miracle.
2. I love my family and because of this I now know that they have saved me from myself more then they will ever know.
3. I am thankful I am able to enjoy little moments more, so important not to let life past you by while little savory moments are everywhere!
4. I am thankful for Amber and Rachel, Amber has gone through this and Rachel although hasn't had to ( Thank Goodness) go through this she has had some experiences similar. They both are truly inspirations to me and when I grow up I hope I adapt some of their traits.
5. I am thankful my hubby can be a rock and handle my emotional out pouring I know it has to be so hard on him but he lets me have all the breakdowns.
Ok now its your turn after the second one it becomes easy! After your done you will feel amazing trust me!
Let me know if you did!
Tiff

1 comment:

Edith.morris said...

I love you Tiffany. My heart and prayers are with you as you are struggling with this. Your husband is so cute around kids and such a great father to Megan.
love,
Edith