Has it really been 5 years?

I would have never thought of updating this blog it has been so long! It is amazing what does happen and does not happen in a span of 5 years. To make a long story short I will list the five biggest things that have happened in the last five years.
 1. Hubby graduated from school and got job!!!! (This alone is pretty exciting)
 2. WE moved to a new town 2 hours away from family…living away from family is a different experience I never realized how much I would miss them and how close we really were. I also didn't realize how much are family needed to move away and learn how to function as an independent unit.
 3. My little princess turned 8 and was baptized into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saint. We are so very proud of her!
 4. We welcomed a new little puppy to our family!

5. I lost 70lbs within the last year and have about 20 more to go. That is pretty much our lives in the last 5 years.

I still haven’t been able to conceive a child but I am hoping with the weight lost that will change. I am still hopeful always hopeful. The one thing I have learned is that I am strong and to be strong is to have faith. I still carry my faith with me around as I go through this journey. I am trying my best to smile and be happy, I have learned that this trial does not determine my happiness. I still have my sad days don’t get me wrong but I refuse to allow it become my life. I refuse t become bitter over a simple matter of the have nots. Anyway tangent over {see I really haven’t change that much} What has been your biggest change of the past 5 years?

The child I never had

About this time three years ago I was told after three Dr, positive pregnancy test that I was no longer pregnant. Although it was only considered a chemical pregnancy it hit me like a bag of bricks and to this day I am not over it. When it pops up in my mind I am still very much hurt. For two weeks that pregnancy was celebrated. My family is just now really finding out about this. I couldn’t talk about before. It hurt, who am I kidding? It still hurts. I find it slipping into to conversations. Like the ones where you share how you told your husband. I remember the day like it was yesterday. It was hot and I was outside since I was over at Mark’s parents house, I didn’t want anyone to hear our little secret. There was joy in Mark’s voice. Over the next two weeks there was much excitement, I smiled at every chance just knowing that after a year and half my child was finally coming home and would be there in just 8months. I register for the week by week websites and read all I could about the baby in my womb. For two weeks there was joy.



It’s funny, as much as I remember that first day I found out the day that haunts me is the day I found I wasn’t. I remember the cheerfulness in my doctors voice and he soccer punched me in the gut with one little sentence. “Congratulations! You are not pregnant” my without finding my voice just breathing faster and harder on the other end. The doctor still with a cheerful voice, “it was probably a chemical pregnancy or a miscarriage; call me when you are pregnant” It’s funny to me how when I picked up the phone with so much joy I hung it up with so much sorrow and sadness. I called my hubby and I couldn’t get the words out. Somehow he understood. We went out to lunch together and held hands, looked at each other without our joy we had had for two weeks. I went home and cried. Then I picked myself up.

Once a year though I remember our joy and our heart ache. I wonder as the years have passed on why can’t I think about this lost without tearing up? Why do I allow it to haunt me? I wish I had the answer. I feel as though I missing a child. That when we sit down to eat; a chair that should be filled isn’t. I feel as though I must keep fighting for that joy, I felt for those two weeks. Then I realize how messed up I am. Why am I grieving this? Many have gone through a lot worse and seem to have it all together? I can’t hide that facts that in my private moments I wonder, I cry , I have love, I have pain for the child I never had.



Quote of the day:

“As I contemplate all that you face in the world today, one word comes to my mind. It describes an attribute needed by all of us but one which you—at this time of your life and in this world–will need particularly. That attribute is courage."

Thomas S. Monson, May You Have Courage, Ensign, May 2009, 124

Without realizing it... a boring update.

Well I am back from another road trip. I am now done with my summer travel. I am kinda relived. It was so much fun to see everyone but I kinda neglected my body. No work outs I even forgot my Maca Root for 2 week and a day. The only upside to this? Without realizing it I put on a size 12 it has been years since I could fit into a size 12 and I am now half way to my goal of being in a size 6 by my birthday. So that is exciting. Nothing really exciting, I ran out of ovulation test I ended up having 8 positive test, which really made my year in reality. Thanks to my fertility AF is suppose to show up in 5 days so if she comes I will only be kinda sad since I still had something new happen. Sorry this isn’t really exciting post I wish I was clever and had something funny to say but I can’t find anything funny right now about my boring blissful life.

Love you all !

Tiff



Quote of the day:

“Life often feels like a great pile of obligations, frustrations, and disappointments. But the Lord is there, always the same, His arms still outstretched. When we feel overwhelmed, we have to remember the peace He has spoken to us on previous occasions. His peace brings comfort and strength; the world cannot give that to us."

Kathleen H. Hughes, "Remembering the Lord's Love, Ensign," Nov. 2006, 111-12

Me? Normal....

I had a great day yesterday. I went to the doctor for my ultrasound, if you remember I had one three months ago and they only found one cyst.{That day alone was exciting} Well yesterday after the ultra sound the tech told me that my cyst was gone and that I was cyst free! For the first time in 5 years I was told everything looked good and healthy. I must admit I cried right there. I couldn't help it. I have never had an ultra sound where everything looked healthy. Then I celebrated and bought some of my favorite foods and magazine. {Don't worry there was no sugar in any of it.}
Speaking of sugar, I think that because I gave it up 4months ago after {a ruptured cyst}this is what returned my body to a healthy state. I feel so good after giving it up that I really can't envision myself going back!
Last week when I was poking around google I found this really good article about giving up Sugar on Trying to conceive. 
So that is my update I am going to keep plugging along!
Quote of the Day;
"It requires courage to make good choices, even when others around us choose differently. As we make righteous choices day by day in little things, the Lord will strengthen us and help us choose the right during more difficult times. "...



W. Craig Zwick, "We Will Not Yield, We Cannot Yield," Ensign, May 2008, 98

Nothing like coming home from Paradise and finding this....

So it has been two weeks since I last posted. This summer has been super busy for me! I just got back from a 9 day annual stay in Mexico with my family, and before that I was just getting ready to go. So you can understand why I have not been there. Also due to the length of my break I have a ton of updates!

UDATE NUMBER 1 CLEARTIY AND LIFE DESSIONS:
So while in my paradise of choice I was able to think long and hard about what I want to be when I grow up. I am tired of not having my college degree. I really want something that I can fall back onto if need be. So I thought and thought and I cme to the conclusion that I would love to be a nutrisionalst. I have come to discover that since being diginosed with PCOS and Endo, I have read what seems like every diet medical book I could get my hands on; trying to figure out what would benfit me and get me the goals I desire. So I am going to help myself with that goal and others by getting my degree and certificate in Diet and Nutrition. I am so excited to share my knowledge  that I will be learning.

UPDATE NUMBER 2 DO I REALLY SEE TWO LINES?
I wish I meant pregnancy test wise, but no- I mean ovulation test. Its true I saw two lines! ME! I know it sounds weird to get excited over this, but the last time I saw two lines was when I was given   drugs to help with it. It is so relieving to see that I am ovulating on my own naturally! It makes me feel as though all my hard work is paying off. It was so hard this last week to abstain from sugar. My family and I would start to play games and the Chips Ahoy would break out. It seemed as though I was constantly tempted. I made it through and now I am so glad I did! I am still in shock one faint little line has made my day!

UPDATE NUMBER 3 WEIGHT LOSS IN PARADISE?
Now this surprised me so much! Imagine going on a cruise and when it was done losing weight. It feels near impossible since you are always surrounded by food. Since I didn't partake in sugar, I swam every day, had more energy to play with all the kids that were there and now I feel great! In two weeks I will show my updated picture.

So that is really it. I am super excited about all the changes that are going on and I can't wait to apply everything! Tomorrow I have an ultra sound last time when I went I only had one cyst and I am hoping for the same results tomorrow as well.
Quote of the day:

"I have reflected repeatedly upon the phrase 'the tender mercies of the Lord.' Through personal study, observation, pondering, and prayer, I believe I have come to better understand that the Lord's tender mercies are the very personal and individualized blessings, strength, protection, assurances, guidance, loving-kindnesses, consolation, support, and spiritual gifts which we receive from and because of and through the Lord Jesus Christ. Truly, the Lord suits 'his mercies according to the conditions of the children of men' (D&C 46:15)."

David A. Bednar, "The Tender Mercies of the Lord," Ensign, May 2005, 99

Love, 

Tiff 

mONTH 3 DIET PICTURES

Well, this month I have been kinda nervous to post my pics because I can't tell big difference. But thanks to my hubby who showed me the difference I think I will be brave. Can you see my collar bones? That is is super exciting and I have more of a waist aka I got my ribs back. Sweet! Well let me know what you think here they are!

Quote of the day:

"Life often feels like a great pile of obligations, frustrations, and disappointments. But the Lord is there, always the same, His arms still outstretched. When we feel overwhelmed, we have to remember the peace He has spoken to us on previous occasions. His peace brings comfort and strength; the world cannot give that to us."

Kathleen H. Hughes, "Remembering the Lord's Love, Ensign," Nov. 2006, 111-12



Love,
Tiff

MORE

I have been thinking a lot about this word. More of this more of that more, more, more. In my world when ever I heard the word more it meant more test, more shots, more pills more(fill in the blank). Now that I am on my own it means more research, more exercise, more veggies and fruit. Isn’t it funny how one little word can bring so much “more” thought?

This week I have been kinda bad. I have been taking my Maca root and decided to try it with oatmeal. So I went to the store to find something that I thought it would taste great in. I bought reduce sugar apple and cinnamon oat meal. I cooked it up put it in then enjoyed the flavor of sugar something I haven’t had for over 3 months. When I was done I was thinking hmm that tasted so good! Then my tummy started to ache so bad that I thought that I had a food poisoning. In a way I did. Since my body isn’t used to the sweet taste of sugar it reacted as though I poisoned it. So I guess I will be having no more sugar ever. Its just to painful. Today I will go to the store and by some bananas for my hard oat, oat meal. This also put me off my game I didn’t work out for the last two days. I think I learned a valuable lesson; a little sugar hurts. Oh well.

What things have you been surprised about?

Quote of the day:

"In our society today I see so many people who blame others for their failures. I have observed that those who accept personal responsibility for their actions are more successful than those who blame their shortcomings and lack of accomplishments on someone else."

James E. Faust, "Your Light—a Standard to All Nations," Ensign, May 2006, 112-13

Love,

Tiff